


Can I Ever Be Forgiven 'Cause I Killed That Kid?

by Okaylittlebrother



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alive Charlie Bradbury, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Daddy Dean, Destiel - Freeform, Dr. Suess, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Kid Fic, M/M, Mark of Cain, Song fic, based on 10x22, dean and cas have a kid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-15
Updated: 2015-05-15
Packaged: 2018-03-30 16:42:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3944065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Okaylittlebrother/pseuds/Okaylittlebrother
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Can I still get into heaven if I kill myself?<br/>Can I still get into heaven if I kill myself?<br/>Can I ever be forgiven 'cause I killed that kid?<br/>It was an accident I swear it wasn't meant for him!<br/>And if I turn it on me, if I even it out, can I still get in or will they<br/>Send me to hell?<br/>Can I still get into heaven if I kill myself?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can I Ever Be Forgiven 'Cause I Killed That Kid?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [defendt0pbunk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/defendt0pbunk/gifts).



> Kara was going to make a spn graphic with [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYHNETybf2I) but she was tired and cranky so i decided to write a fic for her combining a few headcanons from her destiel list including: a Winchester Baby, a La Dispute song, and Dean taking care of Cas after he beats his ass (in the un sexy way) she's still in complete denial because Charlie was killed so i threw in some very much alive Charlie to ease her heart ache. i hope you like this :]
> 
> unbeta'd, mistakes are all mine.

Dean slowly made his way up the steps then he stopped and turned back to look at Cas, who was lying on the floor covered in his own blood. "You stay the hell away from me. Next time I won't miss." He hissed through clenched teeth.  
  
He was still high on adrenaline, his heartbeat was rapid, he felt it pound away in his neck and his forehead. He was taking deep breathes to try and slow his breathing. His brow was furrowed and he still had that angry look plastered across his face.  
  
"Daddy?" He heard a tiny voice call.  
  
He quickly whipped his head around to figure out where it was coming from.  
  
Dean shakes himself out of his haze. The angry expression completely disappearing from his face. He takes a few more slow deep breathes before speaking, because this is his daughter, he cant hurt her. He would never forgive himself. "Zep, what are you doing out of bed, princess?" He asks softly.  
  
Rubbing the sleep from her eyes with a tiny little fist, she yawns, "I had a bad dream." She squeaked a little there at the end and Dean's lips turned up slightly at the corner. "Daddy?" She said, sounding nervous and scared. "Why is there blood on you? Are you hurt?"  
  
Dean looked down and examined himself. He was still covered in blood from all the people he killed that day, some of it may have been Cas' from the beat down he'd just received. He scoffed and shook his head, then look back at her with a smile. "No, sweetheart, Daddy and Papa were just baking, he smeared red icing on my face then we started throwing it at each other." He lied. "The kitchen is an absolute mess." He explained as he flailed his arms.  
  
"I want to smear icing on Papa's face too." She frowned and started walking toward Dean.  
  
He couldn't have that, so he made his way over to her quickly and picked her up.   
  
"I know, baby, maybe next time, okay?" He told her as he walked through the hallway heading to her room.  
  
"Okay. Is Aunt Charlie still here?" She asked.  
  
"No, she had to leave a little bit ago, she's helping Uncle Sammy with some research. They'll be back in a day or two." He promised.  
  
He reached the pink door and pushed it open. It's something special that Daddy and Papa and Uncle Sammy and Aunt Charlie did for her. She didn't like the way the door or the room looked when they first found the bunker almost three years ago. She threw the biggest fit and asked if they could paint it pretty for her.  
  
And they did.  
  
The door is pink and Charlie painted Zeppelin in purple cursive across the top. Inside the room is completely pink and Dean is blinded every damn time he opens the door. They laid new carpet, so it's not that old dingy shit that was in here in the 1940's. The queen sized bed was switched out for a smaller, toddler bed. There were Hello Kitty posters scattering the walls, but when you closed the door one of Dean's Led Zeppelin posters hung there. The dark printed poster looked extremely odd sitting against the pink. He thought she might like it, since it had her name on it.  
  
He carried her to the bed and laid her down, tucking her in. She looked up at him as he did so. "Daddy, are you sure you're not hurt?" She asked.  
  
He smoothed her dark brown hair with the palm of his hand and smiled down at her. "I'm alright, baby." He wasn't alright, truthfully, but he didn't want her to worry. "How about a story?"   
  
"Yeah." She nodded.   
  
He came back to her and held up the Dr. Seuss book.   
  
"Yes!" She cheered in a whisper. "We haven't read that book in a long time."  
  
"Yeah," he huffed a laugh as he sat on the floor next to her bed. "Four days is a long time." He joked. "You ready?" He asked, opening the book.  
  
She nodded excitedly.  
  
He cleared his throat and began to read.  
  
"It's a pretty good zoo," said young Gerald McGrew. "And the fellow who runs it seem proud of it, too."  
  
"That lion is sleeping, Daddy, look." She said, pointing to the page.  
  
He smiles and nods and turns the page.  
  
"But if I ran the zoo," said young Gerald McGrew, "I'd make a few changes. That's just what i'd do..."  
  
As he ended the tenth page, he looked over  at his little girl and smiled. He closed up the book and pushed himself to his feet and slid the book back into its place on the shelf. He walked back over to her and placed a soft kiss atop her head before he headed toward the door and shut the light off then shut the door behind him.  
  
He was so glad she woke up though, because he was so full of rage and anger, he would have probably drank himself to sleep already.  
  
He walked back into the library where Cas lay a few feet from the lifeless bodies of Eldon and Cyrus Styne.  
  
"Damn," Dean mumbled as he stopped to look at Cas lying there. "I really did a number on you, didn't I?"   
  
Cas groaned in response.  
  
Dean disposed of the Styne bodies quickly and came back to help Cas.  
  
He put Cas' arm around his shoulder and hauled the bloodied, beaten up angel to his feet as he held on to his waist.  
  
"Dean.."  
  
"Cas," he cut him off as he shouldered most of Cas' weight across the bunker. "I swear to god, if you heal yourself... I'm gonna drop you right now and leave you here for the rest of the night. I did this to you let me fucking help." He hissed.  
  
He did his best not to bump into any walls and crash into any door ways as he carried his angel to the bathroom to get him cleaned up.   
  
Once in the bathroom he turned on the water to as hot as he thought Cas might be able to stand and started ridding him of his clothes.  
  
Dean helped Castiel lower himself in the tub. Once Cas was submersed in the water he groaned and let his head fall back again the porcelain of the claw foot tub.   
  
The hot water really did wonders for his aching muscles. If Dean wouldn't be so damn hard headed, Cas could heal himself right now and it'd be Dean in this tub and Cas helping him wash away the tacky blood that's caked on his body.  
  
But he let the man help anyway. He needed this, Cas thought it might be because he had hurt one of the few people close to him.  
  
"Dean?" It came out hoarse and broken.  
  
Dean looked a him as he continued to rinse the blood from him.   
  
"Is Zeppelin okay?"  
  
"Yeah," he nodded and cleared his throat. "She had a nightmare, she came out and I thought she was going to see you lying there, man, I--" he choked.  
  
Cas rested his hand on Dean's. "It's okay, she didn't see, right?"  
  
He shook his head, "took her to bed, read her a story, she's passed out, now."  
  
Cas nodded.  
  
When Cas was clean Dean helped him to the bed. Dean handed him a few ibuprofen and a glass of water. "I head butted you pretty hard earlier, and bashed your head into the table..." Pause. "I-is your arm o-okay? I didn't break it d-did I?" He asked worriedly.  
  
Castiel downed the pills and the glass of water. "I'm alright, Dean." He assured  
  
A few hours pass and Dean is in bed, Cas in the chair across the room, watching over him, like he's always been for the past six years. Dean was nice enough to lend him comfortable clothes. Sweats and one of Dean's band shirts. Cas had no idea why someone would listen to a band named after electric currents.  
  
Just then Cas began to stand up and dean turned to look at him. "Where you going, babe?"  
  
"I, uh--" he stuttered. "You said to 'stay the hell away from you' I don't want an angel blade plunged into my chest cavity. I'll be in the library.." He explained and began to walk out.   
  
"Cas, hold on." He stopped and turned toward Dean. "Look, man, I--" pause. "I didn't mean what I said... That was the mark talking, not me, you know that as good as anyone."  
  
"I understand, but I respect your wishes, Dean." He turned to walk out once more.  
  
"Screw my wishes, Cas. Now don't make me drag your ass into this bed. I want you here, I fucking mean that." His voice was stern so Castiel obeyed his human's command and made his way over to the bed.  
  
"I care both about you and your wishes Dean. Don't say things like that."   
  
Dean pulled him in by his waist, that they were both face to face. "You didn't clean up.." Castiel realized  as he let his eyes roam over the mans blood covered features.  
  
"I'm fine."   
  
Castiel cupped Dean's face with his hand. "Here. Let me." He began to gently caress his face and Cas healed him of any injuries he may have acquire throughout the day as well as cleaned him up.  
  
"Thanks." He muttered.  
  
Cas just smiled and kissed his head in reply.  
  
It was quiet for awhile as they both laid there tangled in each other before Dean broke the silence.  
  
"Cas?" He whispered.  
  
"Yes, Dean?"  
  
"I shouldn't have killed that kid..."  
  
Castiel knew he should have done something to keep Dean occupied. He gets lost in his head a lot when it's quiet.  
  
"I--he was begging for his life, Cas. He--he said he wasn't like them, I mean, I should have believed him. He was just a kid. Sixteen, at least. A-and I started to pull my gun back to let him go, 'cause he was crying pretty hard and I'd already killed Eldon. But, Cas, I-I--I shot him. He's dead. I dragged his corpse to the middle of the woods--"  
  
"Dean, Dean, shh, it's alright. Calm down." The angel soothed. "You thought he deserved it because he was a part of the family that hurt Charlie. There's nothing you could have done to stop yourself."  
  
"But I beat the shit out of you and almost killed you..." He reminded.  
  
"I know, I know. Just please get some rest."  
  
Dean listened to him, only for a minute. "Do you think i'll be forgiven?"  
  
"Of course, have you asked God for forgiveness?"  
  
Dean shrugged, "I don't know. I've only ever prayed to you. And all the angels upstairs when Sam was dying about a year ago."  
  
"I'm sure you'll be forgiven, Dean. You're a good man." Castiel reassured as he smoothed Dean's hair. "Get some sleep, i'll be here when you wake."   
  
Dean yawned and closed his eyes. I really do love you, Cas, honestly."  
  
Cas kissed Dean's head and rubbed soft circles into this back. "I know." He whispered.

**Author's Note:**

> i just wrote this in the span of an hour, i know their daughter is four, i don't know how she got here, or why she's even in the bunker in the first place, or dean and cas even has a kid to begin with while they're still in the life. i don't know how Eldon was gonna burn the bunker down with a child inside still. i didn't give a fuck about anything while writing this tbch. please don't give me shit for any of this.
> 
> i'm on [tumblr](http://okaylittlebrother.tumblr.com)


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